I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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