quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
