My nipple is on Facebook.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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