I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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