I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
