first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
