Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize