mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
