How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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