if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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