dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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