call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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