I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
