Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I could make wine with my vomit
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
