no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
