wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
