Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So squirting runs in the family.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
