Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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