Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
