So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
