guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
