Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
