btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
