1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
