Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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