I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
try to milk me bitch
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
