Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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