why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
