the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we're making bets on your personal life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
