When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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