if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
