he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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