based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
