There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
