Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
