Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
