a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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