i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
