I wish my penis had an off switch
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
