So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
