They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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