I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
