shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
