Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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