stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
