I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
