i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
