He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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