Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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