We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
